Education & awareness

About abuse:

Abuse is not what you might think. Women can be in an extremely abusive relationship and yet may never have been physically hit. How can that be?

Abuse is about having power and control over another person, over their behaviour, actions, beliefs, values and thoughts. This control is gained through fear. Intimidating looks, actions and gestures are one way of achieving control. Sometimes, early in a relationship, there may be a few instances of physical abuse - a push, a punch, a slap. After that, merely a raised voice or a threatening gesture creates the same effect. Sometimes there is no physical contact at all, but the threat of it is there.

In fact, in the past few years in southwestern Ontario, there have been at least two cases of femicide where, prior to the murder, there had been no physical abuse in the relationship.

Abuse is rarely an isolated incident or two, but a pattern of behaviour that is ongoing.

Abuse defined:

Abuse is the intentional and systematic use of tactics to establish and maintain power and control over the thoughts, beliefs and conduct of a woman through fear and dependence. 

Woman abuse includes the sum of all past acts of violence and the promise of future violence that achieves enhanced power and control for the perpetrator over the partner.

Tactics of abuse (these are some examples; it is not a comprehensive list):

n.b. see also the Power and Control Wheel illustration attached in PDF below

emotional abuse: putting her down, calling her names, making her feel incompetent and worthless, humiliating her in front of family or friends, making her feel badly about herself, playing mind games

intimidation, coercion and threats: using intimidating looks, actions or gestures; smashing things, abusing pets or destroying cherished items

using isolation: controlling who she sees and talks to (by phone, internet or in person), using jealousy to justify actions, sabotaging friendships

economic abuse: making her responsible for paying bills, squandering money, making financial decisions without her consent or approval, making her ask for money, preventing her from getting or keeping a job

minimizing, denying and blaming: making light of an abusive incident or denying it happened, blaming her for the incident, blaming stress or other outside forces for the problem

using children: putting her down in front of the children, calling her names, criticizing her parenting, using visitation or access to harass her

sexual abuse: any sexual activity that is unwanted or coerced, sexual name calling, forced pregnancy or termination of pregnancy

social status and privilege: assumes the position of power in the household, makes her feel like a second-class citizen, disrespects women as a group, applies a double standard when it comes to activities and friends

physical abuse: spitting, pushing, forcibly confining, leaving her stranded outside of a vehicle or building, controlling what she eats, pulling hair, twisting arm, kicking, punching

Cultural facilitators of woman abuse:

The prevalance of woman abuse in our society speaks to the way girls and boys are socialized to act and to think, and to the cultural inheritance we pass along to our children.

What messages are sent to boys and girls about what it is to be male or female in our society? How might these messages shape relationships?

Discouraging boys from expressing feelings such as sadness, empathy or fear results in a suppression of emotions, and a cutting off of aspects of their humanity. Encouraging aggression and dominant behaviour in boys, and a 'stiff upper lip' approach to dealing with personal issues, fosters an imbalance in their development. By the same token, encouraging girls to put others' needs before their own, to be acquiescent rather than assert their views, and to view themselves as less important than boys, lays a groundwork for potential victimization in intimate relationships. Abuse then is an extension of culturally-held belief systems about the nature of boys and girls, men and women.

Challenging rigid male and female roles is the key to ending abuse. Nurturing compassionate boys and confident girls will create harmony in our society, community and in ourselves.

Below is an extract from the Neighbours, Friends and Families website about why woman abuse occurs:

www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca

Woman abuse is rooted in the social, economic, and political inequality of women. Traditional attitudes and the hierarchical structuring of society have supported the dominance of the male and the subservience of the female. Anger and aggressiveness are considered appropriate ways to resolve conflict, particularly for men. Social and legal traditions have also allowed woman abuse to be treated as a private matter within the family home.

Abusive behaviour does not result from individual, personal or moral deficits, diseases, diminished intellect, addiction, mental illness, poverty, the other person’s behaviour or external events. Perpetrators act from a set of beliefs and attitudes about how men and women should relate in intimate relationships. Men who are abusive generally believe that they have the right to enforce their will on their female partners. The abuser’s choice to use any form of abuse is completely independent of the actions of the victim.

 

 

Attachment	Size
Power and Control Wheel.pdf	1.61 MB