Resources

How to support a woman who is being abused -- for Neighbours, Friends, Family, Community members

In the past few years, a new initiative was launched by the provinicial government in conjunction with some Violence against Women Agencies. WRRC is one of those agencies, and now offers help to people looking for ways to support a woman they believe might be at risk.

Supportive counselling is offered to friends or family members who might need information and reassurance about how they can help.

The website for the provincial campaign is www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca

Below are some suggestions about what to tell an abused woman:

• she does not cause the abuse

• she is not to blame for her partner's behaviour

• she cannot change her partner's behaviour

• apologies and promises will not end the violence

• she is not alone

• she is not crazy

• abuse is not loss of control; it is a means of control

• discuss how the violence affects the children

• be encouraged that every time she reaches out for help she is gaining the emotional strength needed to make effective decisions. She may be too fearful and immobilized or confused to take any step immediately

• although police can be asked to accompany a woman going back home to retrieve personal belongings, encourage her to be prepared for the possibility of leaving home in a hurry. She should have necessary documents or photocopies ready, as well as important items such as:

• credit cards, cash, bank books

• passport, birth certificates, citizenship papers

• house keys

• medications

• children's favourite toy, clothing, etc.

• an abused woman needs our support and encouragement in order to make choices that are right for her. However, there are some forms of advice that are not useful and even dangerous for her to hear:

• don't tell her what to do, when to leave or when not to leave

• don't tell her to go back to the situation and try a little harder

• don't rescue her by trying to find quick solutions

• don't suggest you try to talk to her husband to straighten things out

• don't place yourself in danger by confronting the assaultive man

• don't tell her she should stay for the sake of the children

• never recommend joint family or marital counselling in situations of emotional or physical abuse. It is dangerous for the woman and will not lead to a resolution that is in her interest

• encourage separate counselling for the man and woman, if they want counselling

Source: http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/friends___family.html - retrieved December 21, 2009